Posted on November 5th, 2024

1. Grief Follows a Predictable Timeline

• The Myth: Many people believe that grief has a set duration, often because society sometimes pressures individuals to "move on" within a certain period. There’s often a misconception that if you’re still grieving after six months, a year, or more, then something is wrong.
• The Reality: Grief doesn’t have a timeline. It’s a deeply personal process that unfolds differently for each person. Some people feel intense grief that gradually softens over years, while others may have intermittent waves of sadness even decades later. Many factors—such as the nature of the relationship, circumstances around the loss, and individual coping mechanisms—play a role in how long and how intensely a person experiences grief. Trying to rush the process can add unnecessary stress and even make the healing journey harder.

2. The Five Stages of Grief Are Universal

• The Myth: The “five stages of grief” model—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—was first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and is widely referenced in popular culture. Many people assume everyone will pass through these stages in a specific sequence.
• The Reality: The five stages were initially intended to describe the emotional journey of people facing terminal illness, not bereavement. In grieving, people may experience these emotions, but not necessarily all of them, and rarely in a neat, ordered progression. Some may cycle through multiple stages repeatedly, or they may experience emotions not listed in the model, such as guilt or relief. Recognizing grief as an unpredictable journey can relieve people from feeling pressured to “check off” stages.

3. You Have to Grieve Alone

• The Myth: Some people think that grief is an entirely internal process and that they should handle it by themselves, believing it’s somehow more dignified or that sharing grief would be a burden to others.
• The Reality: While solitude can sometimes help in processing emotions, isolation in grief often leads to prolonged or intensified suffering. Talking about the loss with loved ones or joining a support group can be tremendously helpful. Others who have experienced similar losses can offer unique support and understanding, validating feelings and lessening the sense of loneliness. Seeking companionship in grief isn’t a weakness; it’s a normal and often essential part of healing.

4. Grief Is Only Emotional

• The Myth: People often believe grief solely affects our emotions, bringing sadness, anger, and despair, and they may overlook its impact on the physical body.
• The Reality: Grief is a whole-body experience. Physical symptoms can include fatigue, aches and pains, digestive issues, and even a weakened immune system. People can feel so drained that they experience "grief fog," a mental cloudiness that makes it difficult to concentrate or remember things. Recognizing these physical effects as a normal part of grief can help people take better care of themselves and not feel “weak” or “lazy” when they experience physical symptoms.

5. Keeping Busy Will Heal You Faster

• The Myth: Many people feel that staying busy and distracted will lessen grief, believing that if they can keep occupied, they can move on faster.
• The Reality: While it can be helpful to engage in activities, using constant busyness as a way to avoid grief often leads to unresolved emotions that resurface later. Healthy grieving involves facing and processing emotions, even if it’s painful. Balancing busyness with intentional moments to reflect, share memories, or simply sit with grief can support healing rather than delay it.

6. Moving On Means Forgetting

• The Myth: Some feel that in order to move forward, they have to leave behind or “forget” the person or thing they lost. They may worry that holding onto memories will prevent them from healing.
• The Reality: Many grief experts emphasize the idea of “continuing bonds,” which means integrating the memory of a lost loved one into your life in a healthy way. Remembering a loved one doesn’t mean you’re “stuck” in grief; it’s part of adapting to a new normal. People often find comfort in creating rituals, keeping belongings, or revisiting memories of their loved one, which can support rather than hinder the healing process.

7. There’s a “Right” Way to Grieve

• The Myth: Society often expects people to grieve in a specific way, such as crying openly or taking time off. People sometimes feel judged if they don’t show visible signs of grief or, conversely, if they seem “too emotional.”
• The Reality: Everyone grieves differently, and personal expressions of grief are influenced by cultural, familial, and individual factors. Some may process grief inwardly and appear stoic, while others might openly share their emotions. Neither way is better or worse, and both can be normal responses. Recognizing that each person’s grief expression is valid helps create a more supportive environment.

8. Grief Only Affects You When You Lose a Person

• The Myth: There’s a common belief that grief is only associated with the death of a loved one, often minimizing other types of loss.
• The Reality: Grief can arise from any significant loss, such as a divorce, the end of a friendship, job loss, a move to a new city, or the loss of health or abilities. Non-death-related grief, sometimes called "nonfinite grief," can be just as intense and deserves the same recognition. Acknowledging that grief extends beyond bereavement helps validate a wider range of experiences, letting people recognize and process their losses fully.

These myths can put unnecessary pressure on people to grieve in certain ways or on a certain schedule, adding shame, guilt, or feelings of inadequacy to an already painful experience. Recognizing grief as a personal journey, with no set rules or timelines, can help people feel more understood and supported.